What's Next?

Wow...it has been way past forever, maybe sliding into eternity, since I last wrote in this thing. But tonight, more than other nights, I feel the urge to write about what I've been up to these past two months. Right now I'm writing from Florida. Last week I booked a very impromptu flight home after several days of feeling stressed, almost psycho maniac stressed, and feeling as if I wasn't myself anymore. And I was dragging people into it. I knew that the best thing would be to get away from New York for a few days, hole myself up in the good ole BR and relax. So far, I've almost devoured a book in two days and tomorrow I'll probably start on my second and maybe by Monday I'll have started a third. Reading relaxes me. If the rain stops, I also plan on rollerblading and driving down I95, windows down and music blasting, to a beach. These things are simple but they never fail to make me feel untouchable. So to backtrack, in the past two months, I have graduated from college, turned down a job that I knew would make me absolutely miserable, didn't get a job that I thought would actually lead me places, fought with someone I care for a great deal and been in the middle of a situation that involved people who are all very dear to me. I've also relocated from Manhattan (the love of my life) to the FH: Forest Hills, Queens. Despite living 45 minutes to an hour outside of Manhattan, I make the trek via several trains on an almost daily basis...mostly to sit in parks and admire the beauty that is New York in the summer. The commute is already starting to take its toll and I've only been in Queens for two and a half weeks. Oh well. I better get used to it because until I get a job and save up more money, I'm not going anywhere.

It's interesting because right now people have been asking me, what's next? Now that I've graduated, what am I doing to do next? And while the question terrifies me and annoys me, it also makes me excited. I feel like this is a really crucial point in my life and I don't want to jump into anything without feeling passionately that this is the right path to take. I could be doing anything, really. How exciting/scary is that? I think right after I graduated, I got so caught up in the job search that I started to lose a sense of what it is I want to do. Luckily, I have SO many things I want to accomplish in my life, I just have to prioritize and figure out which one to accomplish first. And while for now, it seems like I might be doing the more traditional route in finding a job, it doesn't mean my desire to see the world has diminished. It's what I long for the most, to hop on a plane and go somewhere I've never been before, speak to people who live completely different lives from mine. I know I'll get the chance to do this because I won't let myself give up on it. If it has to happen in a year, fine. In two, okay. But it will happen. So I'm here for the next few days, thinking about the next step my life will take me, how important it is for me to make a conscious decision now and also the other things in my life that consume my mind. I don't want to fight with anyone anymore, especially not with someone who really does mean a lot to me. I don't want people I know to be at odds with each other when in the past, I thought these are a group of people who are so close-knit, I see our friendships lasting forever. It's funny how it's been barely a month since college and already that belief is being tested. So we'll see what happens next. But whatever does happen, I have to say it's far more exciting than waking up tomorrow and knowing exactly what will happen the rest of my life.