What Am I Doing?

I just came to the realization that the life I am leading in Ghana is so privileged and sheltered that if I continue to live the way I do, my time in Ghana will be poorly spent. After reading a friend's journal and listening to people's experiences interacting with all types of people here in Accra, I started to think about everything I had done. And while I have fun when I go out and I occasionally meet nice people and have these incredible excursions, my experience is very much a girl on vacation, disconnected experience. I have yet to get down to the level where I am really living in Ghana. Most of the people that I associate with are privileged. Almost all of them are in the upper socioeconomic class of Ghana and drive great cars and get us into the best spots for free. But when I was out last night with these same people doing these same things, it occurred to me that I could be doing this stuff in the states. What good is it to constantly be having these experiences if they're not even unique to where I am? Ghana's nightlife is great and the people are friendly but this is not what the country is about. I hear about my friend, who volunteers at a school for the deaf and wants to do a documentary on disabled children and the performing arts and another friend who interacts with the street kids on a regular basis and wants to document them. And then I think about what I want to make my documentary on for my class...what I'm really passionate about. And I can't really think of anything. And that's really frustrating because I've been here for a month now. I mean, there are some things that fascinate me about the culture here. Like I would love to explore the gender roles here and the idea of feminism. But I'm not sure if its something that really really really excites me to learn about. The friend I mentioned earlier who hangs with street kids, he wants to make a long documentary for himself and then use some of it for this documenting class. And when he said that, I thought to myself, what is it that I would like to make a documentary on, just for myself and not because of this class. So it's been an interesting thing to explore these past couple of days, especially since we have to have these submissions for Wednesday.

What I want is at the end of my experience, to have a feeling of fulfillment. I want to know that I've learned more about a group of people that I may never have the pleasure of interacting with again. And I don't mean the rich guys who buy us drinks and get us into clubs. The children here are who've I've been fascinated by the most. I just think they are incredibly beautiful and so I may want to do something working towards that direction. But I'd have to think about it more.

I don't know, I just feel like I'm not utilizing my experience in the way I should be. And that's not to say that I'm going to stop going out b/c that's fun too but my life is not going to be the stereotypical, I'm in a foreign country and I can now do all the things I won't be allowed to do in the states. Just some food for thought.